the annie blog

i love lamp

Posted on October 11, 2012 by annieblog

When I was little I would walk to and from school. I had neighbor kids to walk with. And, my brother of course. Normally it was no big deal. But, my mother hardly EVER picked us up. We walked in rain and snow. I know, I know…

But, one of my favorite things was to come home on a crisp afternoon and she would have the lamp on in the living room. We hardly EVER used our living room. The living room was for company only. So, that lamp wasn’t on very frequently. But, it was a cozy room. Kind of small – lots of dark colors. But she would have the lamp on – it sat right in front of the big windows and the drapes would be pulled back. It gave off such a glow, I loved it.

I am still kind of in love with driving by people’s homes and seeing their drapes or blinds open with the glow of a lamp. Now, I’m not a big overhead light kind of girl. In fact, I had a friend over last night, and she asked me if we could even SEE with it being so dim. I like lamps. Thank you Ron Burgandy.

But, today is one of those days. It’s cool out. It’s dark. It’s supposed to start raining later on. I will pick her up after school and then she and I will come home. I will turn on some lamps. It will be cozy inside. It will be warm. She and I will share a snack. I may make some tea or hot chocolate. And there will be the soft glow of a lamp. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

And guess what? My little one is the exact same. She loves things cozy. She likes to snuggle, she likes to sip warm drinks, she loves the fireplace – and I love her for that. I love how each season defines my family. During the fall, we like the cozy things. During the summer we are a pool/lake family. But, most importantly – we are a family.

Tonight, we will gather around a lamp and make memories.

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disbelief

Posted on October 10, 2012 by annieblog

Mark and I normally cuddle up on the couch and watch the 10:00 news together. Last night, he was working late. He had a recruiting trip. He didn’t get home until after 9:30. So, we ended up sitting on the couch and got caught up with our nights. We missed the news.

Afterwards, I got on facebook. I was scanning my newsfeed. I saw a news report about someone involved in a murder-suicide. It was our social worker. I gasped. I could barely spit out the words. Mark came over to peer over my shoulder. We clicked on the links. It was her. Her husband had shot her and turned the gun on himself.

I cried. A lot. I am still rather teary. She was our social worker. She FOUND our daughter. She was at the court hearing when we adopted our daughter. She has been to our home numerous times. She was an angel. Really – an angel. She united us. Without her – I don’t know if we all three would’ve found each other. My mind cannot comprehend what’s going on. I have so many questions. The injustice. The heartache. Her children! Her children – her two little boys whom she ADORED!

I am distraught.

Scripture isn’t comforting right now. I am angry.

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Fall is here

Posted on October 9, 2012 by annieblog

The wee one and I made cookies last night. They were ok. IF I make them again I would leave out the granulated sugar. The brown sugar and the syrup make them sweet enough. The hubs doesn’t care for them. I think they’re only ok. The wee one likes them. And, here’s the kicker – she likes NOTHING. So, I think it’s a keeper of a recipe if she eats them. I mean, how else do I get oatmeal down her gullet?

Mark will be away again this evening. He is taking a group of students to a local high school production. Getting some recruiting out of the way. She and I really don’t have much planned. I imagine crafting will be in order. I started her mermaid skirt last night, but I need to grab some more fabric from work tomorrow. So tonight – it will probably be knitting for the two of us.

She has choir after school, so that means she doesn’t come home till late. I went to the store and grabbed some stuff for sandwiches. I was kind of tempted to just suggest that we go out and eat. But, I’m really trying to NOT do that. I’m proud that I went to the store!

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Posted on October 8, 2012 by annieblog

And this is why I love my family! We went out-of-town this weekend. We took a bit of a three-day weekend. We spent time with family. It really is great to be together with them all. It renews my spirit and puts a smile on face.

Most importantly, the kiddos has a blast. That’s all that matters. This whole – putting your kids first thing – is amazing. I get so much pleasure from watching them smile and giggle. They are cousins. They love and adore each other. They are forever holding hands, hugging, kissing, giggling, sitting by each other and telling secrets. That’s good. They’re both only children. Well, being raised as only children, I should say. So, this interaction is important. This is really all the wee one has to interact with as far as family is concerned. That’s why it’s important. We also Skype a lot – more so during the cooler months. We can’t go outside, so we Skype. Inside can get awful boring once in a while.

We got back in town yesterday around lunch time. We got up early! But, it was worth it. I worked all day – unpacking, laundry, getting things ready for the week, grocery shopping – you name it! The hubby patched up a wall and did some painting in the dining room. It was a full day.

And, today is Monday – for that I am thankful. I know I’m in the minority, but i really like Mondays. I just love accomplishing things. The wee one is outside playing, so that’s a blessing. She will be home soon. She and I are on our own tonight. It’s Homecoming week at the college, and the hubby is busy with activities. So, she and I will scrounge up something for dinner. She has some leftovers, and I will find something. No worries. She and I are going to attempt to bake cookies tonight, and we want to decorate the front yard with pumpkins!

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Posted on October 3, 2012 by annieblog

So, I’m doing pretty well with things. I was thinking about “sharing” today. And, about friends. See, I do not have lots of friends. I don’t let people in. My absolutely best friend is my hubby. My mom is also a great friend. Other than those two people, I really don’t have anyone. I’m ok with that – most of the time. I have chosen this. I have been burned in the past. I know that doesn’t mean that every person that befriend me will be evil. I understand that. But, it’s made me much more cautious. Surely, that’s understandable.

Anyway. I find that I don’t “share” so much about myself. I am vague. With my facebook statuses, my tweets, and my general comments. I think I am a stellar listener because of this. Someone asks me how I am, I say, “Pretty good. What about you?” And I quickly turn the tables. Again, I don’t think this is necessarily bad. I don’t feel slighted listening to people talk about themselves. I am fine with that. I don’t regret not sharing my life with them. I’m fine with all of this.

What I DO know, is that my “need” to avoid telling so much, ends up with me being vague. And, I was thinking about that today, because I wanted to post something on facebook, but I was afraid others would see it, and then what? I mean, I could care less if I post SOME things, but this was a bit personal. And, it’s not really something to message, because it’s on a group page – an OPEN group of which I am not the administrator.

So, I haven’t said anything – yet. I am also a bit of a planner – but that’s for another post. I will have to wait. Figure out what I’m going to say. THEN, I will have to figure out how to handle it if anyone actually says something. No stresses. Just observations.

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Truckin’ along

Posted on October 2, 2012 by annieblog

Yesterday was a great success (you need to say like Borat in order for it to be effective). Anyway, I conquered my list. My uber long, lengthy list! And, the wee one conquered her little list. Much happiness all around.

The biggest news of all – the wee one finished a dress:

She is wearing it to school today, and she couldn’t be more proud! It’s a bit wonky, but she doesn’t care. All she sees is beauty – pure beauty. And it’s with those eyes that I desire to see the world. So, when she came to me asking if she could wear it to school today – the day of school pictures – I said “YES”. She will feel so beautiful in her dress, and I can’t wait for that happiness to shine through. Now, is the dress perfect? No. Does she care? No. It’s the little things guys – it’s HER loving a dress that makes me keep things in perspective. That’s why she is in my life!

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Commitments

Posted on October 1, 2012 by annieblog

So, I’m trying to make a commitment to myself. One of those commitments is this blog. I am avid blog reader! I really am. But, I skimp on my own blogging. That’s not right. I need to put myself first sometimes. This is one of those times. I am making a pledge to myself. I am officially turning over a new leaf. Here is what I am doing:

Wish me luck! I WILL keep you updated!

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quilting

Posted on July 11, 2012 by annieblog

I started off the summer by going through her closet and drawers. I saved all of her old T-shirts and cut them up. For the past few nights, I’ve spent some time sewing pieces together. This afternoon I finished it!

She is so happy! So am I!

So, to celebrate, I had some French Vanilla ice cream with some donut peaches.

It was delish!

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it still stings

Posted on July 7, 2012 by annieblog

I does sting a little bit. I must admit. I really don’t want to sound selfish. Please realize that I am utterly blessed beyond belief to have my little girl.

Yesterday, a friend and co-worker announced that she was pregnant. Very exciting! I cried. Out of jealously. I feel horrible for even saying this, but I was/am jealous. I will never get to be pregnant. I will never experience what it’s like to tell my mom that I’m pregnant. I will never give birth. I will never get to take those pictures of my expanding belly and post them on facebook. I should not complain. I have a little girl. The most wonderful little girl EVER! We are beyond fortunate to have her. I thank the universe each and every day that she is officially ours. I kiss her and hold her, and cry – to this day. She is the single most amazing thing in my life.

Yet, I cried. I still feel sadness. It’s been about 12 years since I realized that I would never get pregnant. And it still stings. The fact that it stings makes me feel horribly guilty. I should be thankful for what I have. But, alas, I am human. And it stings.

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no KAL

Posted on June 27, 2012 by annieblog

I made a decision last night. I am NOT going to do the Knitting Daily KAL for the Pan-Am Jacket. Here is why.

I had been reading the forums. I still hadn’t received my yarn, but I was totally catching up on the forum and taking notes. Anyway, there are many frustrated people on these forums. Many. They are stressing about the pattern. So, I continued to take notes and hope that I would be able to conquer the pattern.

I had bid on the perfect yarn via ebay. Well, I won the bid. Then the seller contacted me to say she didn’t actually have the correct amount of yarn. She made a mistake. She offered to cancel the sale. So, I had her cancel the sale. Then I made a decision. Maybe I’m not supposed to do this darn thing. Maybe I’m supposed to just work on my current project and call it good.

So, I unsubscribed from the forum and guess what? I felt relief! Relief! I had no idea I was even stressed about doing this. But, the relief tells me that I was indeed stressed. So, I am happy with my choice.

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