the annie blog

Stephen Sondheim: A Life by Meryl Secrest

I got this book through a Reddit Gift Exchange of some sort. I was anxious to jump in. It worked ok for me.

I really wanted to know more about the person rather than the productions. I feel fairly well-versed in the productions. I have been exposed to him most of my theatre career. I have been involved in a few of his productions. With that, I learned much. I wanted something more in-depth.

I devoured the first part of the book was my favorite. I loved learning about his school years and his family. So, it does provide a balance. I was just hoping for more biographical info during his hey-day Regardless, I enjoyed revisiting many of these shows. I had show tunes in my head as he plodded along his career. It was a fun read, but not as juicy as I was hoping.

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So, I thought I’d discuss some of the books I’ve been reading. Or have read.

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings by Lynn Grabhorn.

I started this book a couple of years ago and stopped. I took notes and highlighted all through. Then, I picked it up last month. I continued annotating, but not with much gusto. I feel that it just didn’t speak to me during this season as it did previously. And that’s ok. We change. I still gleaned information, but not like I did before. I feel wiser than when I first started the book, and I don’t mean that to be snarky. Things have just changed for me. I have changed. In a good way. I think.

I am normally an avid reader of self-help type books as I am continually looking to improve. So, is this book something I would recommend? Possibly. Maybe to a newbie in the self-help world. But, if you’ve read the gamut of self-help type books, then you have probably read most of these ideas.

Nonetheless, reminders like this are exactly why I continue to read these types of books. I need those reminders. I am not perfect.

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I am not certain if this is for me. But, I am slowly looking at it.

It’s changed drastically since I started this blog. I’ve changed drastically. The world has changed. I’m not sure what I’m doing. But, I am looking at this.

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Fall down. Try again. Fall down. Try again.

So, I’m trying again.  I have a lot of issues.  So very damn many. I am working on so many things.  I have many things I am working on. I remember someone telling me that I’m way too hard on myself. I don’t mind really. I think it’s the only way to achieve results.  I need to be honest and remind myself of my situation. I know I have good traits. I also know I need to work on things. I don’t think that’s bad. Know what should be fixed, and fix it. It’s the actual FIXING part that’s hard.

One good thing is that I’m trying again.  I do that. I hardly ever TOTALLY give up on things.  I usually fall down. Have some sadness. Then, after time, I try again.

So, I’m trying again.

I’ll get it.

I got the vegan thing down. Finally!

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Today is a no prompt day. I am just writing.

I am on a good path. Finally.  I get down. Yes. But, I am learning to rise.  Not necessarily from ashes, just from my despair. Self-inflicted despair, actually. I am learning how much of everything is caused by me and me alone. My reactions. My thoughts. My feelings. Everything can be kept in-check if I slow down and remember to do so.  Slowing down is key. Knee-jerk reactions must stop. I am going to slow down right now. All is good when I chill.

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I am in the process of restoring myself.  It’s working. It’s a slow process. I guess it’s like buying an old house and having to gut it.  After you’re finished, it’s glorious, but in the meantime, it can get cluttered. I’ve passed the cluttered stage. I think. I’m in the process of putting on fresh paint, purchasing decorations, looking at furniture and knick-knacks, and positioning everything. It’s not as hard, but it’s a teensy bit overwhelming at times.

But, I’m doing it. I’m really doing it. Yippie for me!

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What is wearing me down? Me, BUT, I’m not doing that any longer, remember?  I’m only building myself up.  That’s right. To the sky. Up.  I will be a glorious mountain by the time this whole thing is over. And, when is it over? Not for many years.

I’ve had it with being down.  Down is no good. Up is really good.  That’s where the glorious people go. That’s where I’m going.

Meditation and yoga are helping me get there. I am helping me get there. I have to remember that it’s all up to me. HA! It’s UP to me. Yup!

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Me

Ultimately, it me. My choices. My thoughts. My decisions.  This is unacceptable. I can and will change that.  Watch.

My journey to a glorious self requires that I be the best I can be.  Therefore, I can’t deplete myself any longer. I can’t. It’s counterproductive.

Selfish, poor choices make me low on fuel to continue. Worthy, enlightened choices increase my sense of self.

Senseless, rotting thoughts impact my sense of worth. Positive, glorious thoughts keep me vibrating at a high level.

Hurried, senseless decision leave me feeling less than a complete person. Confident, pleasing decisions keep me breathing and my soul running.

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So, I’m standing. Again. Each and every day, I get out of bed. Two feet on the floor. Thank you!  I stand. I rise. Those are very different words, aren’t they? To rise implies that something great is happening. Because I’m glorious, I should probably rise. I will do that. From now on, I will rise.

Things may knock me down. But no more. I am in control. I decide if I fall or not. And, I choose not to fall. I choose to rise. In all of my glorious-self I rise.  This is my mantra today. Or, it will be when I meditate later on.

I find such amazing comfort in my meditations. I’m not a mediation person. But, I guess I am becoming one. That’s ok. Whatever keeps me balanced and standing is good for me. So, I meditate.

I rise so that I may continue my glorious life.  Ain’t nothin’ gonna knock me down. Only I can knock myself down and off my path. And, I choose to stay on the damn path!

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