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No prompt

Today is a no prompt day. I am just writing.

I am on a good path. Finally.  I get down. Yes. But, I am learning to rise.  Not necessarily from ashes, just from my despair. Self-inflicted despair, actually. I am learning how much of everything is caused by me and me alone. My reactions. My thoughts. My feelings. Everything can be kept in-check if I slow down and remember to do so.  Slowing down is key. Knee-jerk reactions must stop. I am going to slow down right now. All is good when I chill.

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Restoration

I am in the process of restoring myself.  It’s working. It’s a slow process. I guess it’s like buying an old house and having to gut it.  After you’re finished, it’s glorious, but in the meantime, it can get cluttered. I’ve passed the cluttered stage. I think. I’m in the process of putting on fresh paint, purchasing decorations, looking at furniture and knick-knacks, and positioning everything. It’s not as hard, but it’s a teensy bit overwhelming at times.

But, I’m doing it. I’m really doing it. Yippie for me!

Wearing me down, building me up

What is wearing me down? Me, BUT, I’m not doing that any longer, remember?  I’m only building myself up.  That’s right. To the sky. Up.  I will be a glorious mountain by the time this whole thing is over. And, when is it over? Not for many years.

I’ve had it with being down.  Down is no good. Up is really good.  That’s where the glorious people go. That’s where I’m going.

Meditation and yoga are helping me get there. I am helping me get there. I have to remember that it’s all up to me. HA! It’s UP to me. Yup!

Things that deplete me

Me

Ultimately, it me. My choices. My thoughts. My decisions.  This is unacceptable. I can and will change that.  Watch.

My journey to a glorious self requires that I be the best I can be.  Therefore, I can’t deplete myself any longer. I can’t. It’s counterproductive.

Selfish, poor choices make me low on fuel to continue. Worthy, enlightened choices increase my sense of self.

Senseless, rotting thoughts impact my sense of worth. Positive, glorious thoughts keep me vibrating at a high level.

Hurried, senseless decision leave me feeling less than a complete person. Confident, pleasing decisions keep me breathing and my soul running.

 

Standing Up

So, I’m standing. Again. Each and every day, I get out of bed. Two feet on the floor. Thank you!  I stand. I rise. Those are very different words, aren’t they? To rise implies that something great is happening. Because I’m glorious, I should probably rise. I will do that. From now on, I will rise.

Things may knock me down. But no more. I am in control. I decide if I fall or not. And, I choose not to fall. I choose to rise. In all of my glorious-self I rise.  This is my mantra today. Or, it will be when I meditate later on.

I find such amazing comfort in my meditations. I’m not a mediation person. But, I guess I am becoming one. That’s ok. Whatever keeps me balanced and standing is good for me. So, I meditate.

I rise so that I may continue my glorious life.  Ain’t nothin’ gonna knock me down. Only I can knock myself down and off my path. And, I choose to stay on the damn path!

I’m trying. Day 1.

I’m trying. I am. Today, I’m trying.  I am going to do it. Why? Because I am glorious. Glorious – possessing or deserving of glory.  That’s me.  Today I start. Truly. I start.

What is distracting me?  Myself. I am my biggest distraction. I can’t blame social media. I can’t blame TV. I blame me. Me. I doubt. I falter. But, that changes today. I have no idea why today. But who cares. It changes.

I have mighty plans. Mighty plans, indeed. I’m not listing them all here, but I am a’changin’.

And, you guessed it. This is one of those plans that I have.  I have had this blog for who-knows-how-long.  I think about this blog frequently. But, thinking doesn’t make me glorious, now, does it?

This is making me glorious. Therefore, I am pleased to welcome all of my new readers. I know you are in similar situations. We are busy. We are all busy. But, we can’t let ourselves distract ourselves.  I struggle with this. But, I am pleased to announce that I no longer am allowing myself to be a distraction. I am focused. I am meditating and  asking myself to give myself some grace. I need the focus. I do not need to distract myself.

I have mantras to help guide me. I am glorious. I am changing. I am enlightened. I am vibrating at a high frequency.

Venting

So, I haven’t posted in FOREVER. Which is fine. I mainly use to keep track of my books. Lame. Truthful, though.

Anyway, I’ve never been one to have friends – like BFFs or “my girls” – just don’t. Never really have. Recently, like the past few years, I allowed myself to kind of befriend a group of women that I was involved with in a homeschool group we joined. I NEVER intended to become friends – because, come on, I don’t fit the profile.  But it happened. I kind of got close to some of these women. Not like visit on the phone and go shopping – because I don’t really do that. But, we talked. Chatted. Visited. It was good. It was highly unusual for me. I even found myself kind of thinking I had “found my tribe”.  It felt really good. I started to think I actually had friends.  It made me smile inside.

But, things changed. Long story. I am no longer a part of the group.  And, well, no one seems to care.  So, what does that do for me?  It makes me sad. It makes me know that it wasn’t real. It was all in my head. I allowed myself  to be sucked up in the glamour of it all.  I’m mostly mad at myself that I fell for it. I won’t do that again. I’m old enough to know better. But, it seriously had been YEARS since I had a friendship with someone, so I was blinded by it.

The story why we left is long and drawn-out. The reasons we left are numerous. They are reasons where people take sides. Apparently, not my side.  I also, figured people would believe me/us. But, that’s not the case.  Reality sucks.  It’s a tough lesson to learn. I mean, I’m old. Why can’t I get this through my head, yet?  It leads me back to “family first”. That has worked for me in the past, and I need to remember that.  This is how it will be for me. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but obviously, this needs to be my mantra.