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I’m trying. Day 1.

I’m trying. I am. Today, I’m trying.  I am going to do it. Why? Because I am glorious. Glorious – possessing or deserving of glory.  That’s me.  Today I start. Truly. I start.

What is distracting me?  Myself. I am my biggest distraction. I can’t blame social media. I can’t blame TV. I blame me. Me. I doubt. I falter. But, that changes today. I have no idea why today. But who cares. It changes.

I have mighty plans. Mighty plans, indeed. I’m not listing them all here, but I am a’changin’.

And, you guessed it. This is one of those plans that I have.  I have had this blog for who-knows-how-long.  I think about this blog frequently. But, thinking doesn’t make me glorious, now, does it?

This is making me glorious. Therefore, I am pleased to welcome all of my new readers. I know you are in similar situations. We are busy. We are all busy. But, we can’t let ourselves distract ourselves.  I struggle with this. But, I am pleased to announce that I no longer am allowing myself to be a distraction. I am focused. I am meditating and  asking myself to give myself some grace. I need the focus. I do not need to distract myself.

I have mantras to help guide me. I am glorious. I am changing. I am enlightened. I am vibrating at a high frequency.

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making my home a haven

I am!  I did not purchase a candle. I have so many candles that need to be used. So, I grabbed one and lit it.  I generally light when we’re all home – after school and before dinner.  Then I say;

Dear Lord, bless my family,

keep them happy, healthy

and at peace.

I say it all night long whenever I notice the candle. And, I’m mindful to make it count – I don’t want to just SAY the words, I want them to be heart-felt.

This has been a super thing for me to do.  No one in the home knows I’m doing it. It’s just a little gesture I can do to bless my family.

candle, candle in glass

candle, candle in glass (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

giving thanks

I’m over my tantrum from yesterday.  Talking it over with Mark helped validate my feelings and calmed me.  See, I told you he has an amazing effect on me!

We are doing gratitude journals as a family. We gather in her bedroom before bed and write in our journals and then share.  She is getting the hang of it. At first, she was writing the same thing over and over. It was terribly sweet, but she just wasn’t thinking deep enough.  But I think she’s got it now.  It’s been a real joy for us.  Last night Mark gave me the sweetest compliment ever. It really validated me and what I do.  That’s just one of the blessings of giving thanks.

calm by my husband

(stumpy) christ of the ozarks

There are some pretty intense things going on at work. That means it’s intense for us. We work really hard to keep it all out of our home. We DO talk about it – it’s just not something we talk out loud in front of the wee one.

I am nervous about it.

The hubby isn’t.  I don’t know how he does it. But, he is headstrong and focused. I get stressed when he starts talking about all of it.  He’s seen this pattern, and consequently, he’s pulled back on it. Not that it’s a bad thing – I mean, who wants to sit around and talk about work all night long?  We want to have family time!

But, I am utterly calmed by him. With anything. Not just this. But, this is the pattern.  I stress. I go to him. He assures me.  Relief.  I know I’m supposed to put my faith in God and know that Christ will take care of everything. But, seriously, isn’t it normal to at least FEEL something. I mean, if we’re nervous or anxious, I think that’s ok. We can still KNOW that God is in control.  It’s like a roller coaster, right?  I can SEE the twists and turns. I know I am safe in my harness, but I get a bit nervous going up that first big hill, right? Don’t we all?  I mean, it’s normal. I sometimes feel guilty for feeling nervous. I don’t want it to mean that I distrust God or His will. Because I DO trust him. I totally KNOW that things will be fine. I really do. But, I still get an upset tummy thinking about all of it.   Now, I am ultimately calmed by God.  Not just my husband. But, in the moment that we are having a serious discussion, I sometimes get stressed and need for Mark to reach over, hold my hand, and look at me with those eyes of his, and say, “It’s going to be ok. I’ll take of you.”  In my private moment I rely on God to do this.

I am thankful to have such an amazing husband in my life. I am thankful that God still smiles down on me. I am nervous. But, I’m calmed.

Making My Home a Haven

I accept!

I can do this. It’s not a crazy load of work or anything. And, I think I pretty much do these things already. But the difference is that I don’t do them with INTENTION in Christ. I just do it. Now, I will be more mindful of my actions. I can’t wait.

This is my favorite time of year anyway.

i love lamp

When I was little I would walk to and from school. I had neighbor kids to walk with. And, my brother of course. Normally it was no big deal. But, my mother hardly EVER picked us up. We walked in rain and snow.  I know, I know…

But, one of my favorite things was to come home on a crisp afternoon and she would have the lamp on in the living room. We hardly EVER used our living room. The living room was for company only.  So, that lamp wasn’t on very frequently.  But, it was a cozy room. Kind of small – lots of dark colors. But she would have the lamp on – it sat right in front of the big windows and the drapes would be pulled back. It gave off such a glow, I loved it.

I am still kind of in love with driving by people’s homes and seeing their drapes or blinds open with the glow of a lamp. Now, I’m not a big overhead light kind of girl. In fact, I had a friend over last night, and she asked me if we could even SEE with it being so dim. I like lamps.  Thank you Ron Burgandy.

But, today is one of those days. It’s cool out. It’s dark. It’s supposed to start raining later on. I will pick her up after school and then she and I will come home. I will turn on some lamps. It will be cozy inside. It will be warm. She and I will share a snack. I may make some tea or hot chocolate. And there will be the soft glow of a lamp. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

And guess what? My little one is the exact same. She loves things cozy. She likes to snuggle, she likes to sip warm drinks, she loves the fireplace – and I love her for that.  I love how each season defines my family. During the fall, we like the cozy things. During the summer we are a pool/lake family.  But, most importantly – we are a family.

Tonight, we will gather around a lamp and make memories.

And this is why I love my family! We went out-of-town this weekend. We took a bit of a three-day weekend. We spent time with family. It really is great to be together with them all. It renews my spirit and puts a smile on face.

Most importantly, the kiddos has a blast. That’s all that matters. This whole – putting your kids first thing – is amazing. I get so much pleasure from watching them smile and giggle. They are cousins. They love and adore each other. They are forever holding hands, hugging, kissing, giggling, sitting by each other and telling secrets. That’s good. They’re both only children. Well, being raised as only children, I should say. So, this interaction is important. This is really all the wee one has to interact with as far as family is concerned. That’s why it’s important. We also Skype a lot – more so during the cooler months. We can’t go outside, so we Skype. Inside can get awful boring once in a while.

We got back in town yesterday around lunch time. We got up early! But, it was worth it. I worked all day – unpacking, laundry, getting things ready for the week, grocery shopping – you name it! The hubby patched up a wall and did some painting in the dining room. It was a full day.

And, today is Monday – for that I am thankful. I know I’m in the minority, but i really like Mondays. I just love accomplishing things. The wee one is outside playing, so that’s a blessing. She will be home soon. She and I are on our own tonight. It’s Homecoming week at the college, and the hubby is busy with activities. So, she and I will scrounge up something for dinner. She has some leftovers, and I will find something. No worries. She and I are going to attempt to bake cookies tonight, and we want to decorate the front yard with pumpkins!