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it still stings

I does sting a little bit.  I must admit. I really don’t want to sound selfish. Please realize that I am utterly blessed beyond belief to have my little girl.

Yesterday, a friend and co-worker announced that she was pregnant. Very exciting! I cried.  Out of jealously.  I feel horrible for even saying this, but I was/am jealous.  I will never get to be pregnant. I will never experience what it’s like to tell my mom that I’m pregnant. I will never give birth. I will never get to take those pictures of my expanding belly and post them on facebook. I should not complain. I have a little girl. The most wonderful little girl EVER! We are beyond fortunate to have her. I thank the universe each and every day that she is officially ours. I kiss her and hold her, and cry  – to this day.  She is the single most amazing thing in my life.

Yet, I cried. I still feel sadness. It’s been about 12 years since I realized that I would never get pregnant. And it still stings.  The fact that it stings makes me feel horribly guilty.  I should be thankful for what I have. But, alas, I am human. And it stings.

 

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