it still stings

Posted on July 7, 2012 by annieblog

I does sting a little bit. I must admit. I really don’t want to sound selfish. Please realize that I am utterly blessed beyond belief to have my little girl.

Yesterday, a friend and co-worker announced that she was pregnant. Very exciting! I cried. Out of jealously. I feel horrible for even saying this, but I was/am jealous. I will never get to be pregnant. I will never experience what it’s like to tell my mom that I’m pregnant. I will never give birth. I will never get to take those pictures of my expanding belly and post them on facebook. I should not complain. I have a little girl. The most wonderful little girl EVER! We are beyond fortunate to have her. I thank the universe each and every day that she is officially ours. I kiss her and hold her, and cry – to this day. She is the single most amazing thing in my life.

Yet, I cried. I still feel sadness. It’s been about 12 years since I realized that I would never get pregnant. And it still stings. The fact that it stings makes me feel horribly guilty. I should be thankful for what I have. But, alas, I am human. And it stings.