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Posted on November 2, 2012 by annieblog

Roots

So, I remember when I was little and the TV mini-series, Roots was on. It was a HUGE deal. I didn’t get it. My parents watched it. Things around our house stopped during those nights. My brother and I were “shushed” a lot! It was just a TV show that bored me. It wasn’t funny. I like sit-coms. This was NOT a sit-com. So, I didn’t pay attention.

In fact, I really didn’t pay attention to my roots at all growing up. I kind of just didn’t think about it. To me, now, the word “roots” symbolizes family. See, we lived far away from our family. Like four states away. We hardly ever saw anyone. And guess what – it’s kind of the same thing now. Hubby and I live at least 4 hours away from any sense of family. And then it’s only my brother and his little boy. We are spread around the country. So, I instill in my little girl the importance of family – the right here-right-now kind of family. The kind that matters! We talk about family in our house all the time. We know how important this bond is.

We are sad that we can’t be around more family – and sometimes I get a little jealous. But, we must establish our own roots with just the three of us. With a big change looming, our roots are going to be even more important than ever before.

Last night we started our gratitude journals for the month of November. The wee one wrote about family.

This is what having roots means to me. A love between us that anchors us to each other.

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Look

Posted on October 19, 2012 by annieblog

Look:

I can think of “look, momma, look!” All day long. I am asked to come and Look at something – a picture she drew, a bug she found, a commercial of something she wants, or even how her scrap of bread looks like a duck. Look. And I do. Ok, not all the time, but I do. I am getting better. It never fails, though. That “Look” comes right when I’m in the middle of something. Right when I have things to finish. Right when I have things to start .

I need to stop. I need to look. I need to find what she finds fascinating. I need to understand that she finds it all amazing, and hopefully I will too. And, not just with her – with my husband. He comes home from work and has things to share. I need to stop and LOOK at him too.

What about God? I need to stop and LOOK at him too. He shows me fascinating things every day. He says – LOOK, Bethanie, LOOK! And, sometimes I notice, and sometimes I don’t. How sad is that?

I looked yesterday. I looked at the blue cloudless sky and I saw a lone bird flying so far up there it looked like a little moving speck. I saw what God placed in front of me.

I looked when Atlantis showed me some fabric scraps she found – she said they were pretty. I agreed. We decided to make doll clothes from them. We looked. Together. We looked.

I looked when my hubby came home from work with calloused hands. I looked. I loved. I appreciated.

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disbelief

Posted on October 10, 2012 by annieblog

Mark and I normally cuddle up on the couch and watch the 10:00 news together. Last night, he was working late. He had a recruiting trip. He didn’t get home until after 9:30. So, we ended up sitting on the couch and got caught up with our nights. We missed the news.

Afterwards, I got on facebook. I was scanning my newsfeed. I saw a news report about someone involved in a murder-suicide. It was our social worker. I gasped. I could barely spit out the words. Mark came over to peer over my shoulder. We clicked on the links. It was her. Her husband had shot her and turned the gun on himself.

I cried. A lot. I am still rather teary. She was our social worker. She FOUND our daughter. She was at the court hearing when we adopted our daughter. She has been to our home numerous times. She was an angel. Really – an angel. She united us. Without her – I don’t know if we all three would’ve found each other. My mind cannot comprehend what’s going on. I have so many questions. The injustice. The heartache. Her children! Her children – her two little boys whom she ADORED!

I am distraught.

Scripture isn’t comforting right now. I am angry.

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Fall is here

Posted on October 9, 2012 by annieblog

The wee one and I made cookies last night. They were ok. IF I make them again I would leave out the granulated sugar. The brown sugar and the syrup make them sweet enough. The hubs doesn’t care for them. I think they’re only ok. The wee one likes them. And, here’s the kicker – she likes NOTHING. So, I think it’s a keeper of a recipe if she eats them. I mean, how else do I get oatmeal down her gullet?

Mark will be away again this evening. He is taking a group of students to a local high school production. Getting some recruiting out of the way. She and I really don’t have much planned. I imagine crafting will be in order. I started her mermaid skirt last night, but I need to grab some more fabric from work tomorrow. So tonight – it will probably be knitting for the two of us.

She has choir after school, so that means she doesn’t come home till late. I went to the store and grabbed some stuff for sandwiches. I was kind of tempted to just suggest that we go out and eat. But, I’m really trying to NOT do that. I’m proud that I went to the store!

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Posted on October 3, 2012 by annieblog

So, I’m doing pretty well with things. I was thinking about “sharing” today. And, about friends. See, I do not have lots of friends. I don’t let people in. My absolutely best friend is my hubby. My mom is also a great friend. Other than those two people, I really don’t have anyone. I’m ok with that – most of the time. I have chosen this. I have been burned in the past. I know that doesn’t mean that every person that befriend me will be evil. I understand that. But, it’s made me much more cautious. Surely, that’s understandable.

Anyway. I find that I don’t “share” so much about myself. I am vague. With my facebook statuses, my tweets, and my general comments. I think I am a stellar listener because of this. Someone asks me how I am, I say, “Pretty good. What about you?” And I quickly turn the tables. Again, I don’t think this is necessarily bad. I don’t feel slighted listening to people talk about themselves. I am fine with that. I don’t regret not sharing my life with them. I’m fine with all of this.

What I DO know, is that my “need” to avoid telling so much, ends up with me being vague. And, I was thinking about that today, because I wanted to post something on facebook, but I was afraid others would see it, and then what? I mean, I could care less if I post SOME things, but this was a bit personal. And, it’s not really something to message, because it’s on a group page – an OPEN group of which I am not the administrator.

So, I haven’t said anything – yet. I am also a bit of a planner – but that’s for another post. I will have to wait. Figure out what I’m going to say. THEN, I will have to figure out how to handle it if anyone actually says something. No stresses. Just observations.

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Posted on June 24, 2012 by annieblog

Ok, I have been remiss. Why? Because I am bad. I have no real excuse. But, I am changing my ways. Trust me!