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Venting

So, I haven’t posted in FOREVER. Which is fine. I mainly use to keep track of my books. Lame. Truthful, though.

Anyway, I’ve never been one to have friends – like BFFs or “my girls” – just don’t. Never really have. Recently, like the past few years, I allowed myself to kind of befriend a group of women that I was involved with in a homeschool group we joined. I NEVER intended to become friends – because, come on, I don’t fit the profile.  But it happened. I kind of got close to some of these women. Not like visit on the phone and go shopping – because I don’t really do that. But, we talked. Chatted. Visited. It was good. It was highly unusual for me. I even found myself kind of thinking I had “found my tribe”.  It felt really good. I started to think I actually had friends.  It made me smile inside.

But, things changed. Long story. I am no longer a part of the group.  And, well, no one seems to care.  So, what does that do for me?  It makes me sad. It makes me know that it wasn’t real. It was all in my head. I allowed myself  to be sucked up in the glamour of it all.  I’m mostly mad at myself that I fell for it. I won’t do that again. I’m old enough to know better. But, it seriously had been YEARS since I had a friendship with someone, so I was blinded by it.

The story why we left is long and drawn-out. The reasons we left are numerous. They are reasons where people take sides. Apparently, not my side.  I also, figured people would believe me/us. But, that’s not the case.  Reality sucks.  It’s a tough lesson to learn. I mean, I’m old. Why can’t I get this through my head, yet?  It leads me back to “family first”. That has worked for me in the past, and I need to remember that.  This is how it will be for me. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but obviously, this needs to be my mantra.

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