• Past Posts

  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 6 other followers

Commitments

So, I’m trying to make a commitment to myself. One of those commitments is this blog. I am avid blog reader! I really am. But, I skimp on my own blogging. That’s not right. I need to put myself first sometimes. This is one of those times. I am making a pledge to myself. I am officially turning over a new leaf. Here is what I am doing:

Wish me luck! I WILL keep you updated!

no KAL

I made a decision last night.  I am NOT going to do the Knitting Daily KAL for the Pan-Am Jacket.  Here is why.

I had been reading the forums.  I still hadn’t received my yarn, but I was totally catching up on the forum and taking notes. Anyway, there are many frustrated people on these forums. Many. They are stressing about the pattern. So, I continued to take notes and hope that I would be able to conquer the pattern.

I had bid on the perfect yarn via ebay.  Well, I won the bid. Then the seller contacted me to say she didn’t actually have the correct amount of yarn. She made a mistake. She offered to cancel the sale.  So, I had her cancel the sale. Then I made a decision.  Maybe I’m not supposed to do this darn thing. Maybe I’m supposed to just work on my current project and call it good.

So, I unsubscribed from the forum and guess what? I felt relief! Relief! I had no idea I was even stressed about doing this.  But, the relief tells me that I was indeed stressed. So, I am happy with my choice.

 

keepin’ up

I put a lot of pressure on myself to do certain things at certain times. But, I really get enjoyment out of it. In fact – I’m gonna act like a little motivational speaker here- but I think I’ve found MY way to MY happiness.

About a year ago I was kind of in a funk. Nothing bad, just a tad lost. Realize, it was only personal, I just wasn’t having as much enjoyment out of life as I wanted.  I also decided that “thinking” about it too much was not the right thing to do. Well, I was wrong.  Fast forward about 6 months, and I started to really think about WHY I was feeling this way. I couldn’t figure it out. Everything seemed pretty perfect in my world.  So, I started to reflect on my past – specifically those times when I really felt “complete” (ok, that’s a stupid word, but it’s what came to mind right now – I may eventually edit it).  And, what I realized is that I carved out time for ME.  And, again – I’m having a word issue because TIME isn’t necessarily what it’s about. It’s more about THINGS.

For example:

  • Blogging (reading) – reading blogs inspires the hell out of me.  I’m such an introvert that I pretty  much don’t talk to anyone other than my mom, hubby and daughter. So, it’s good to follow people and see what they’re doing. Plus, I kind of feel invincible when I read blogs. I feel like I can do whatever they’re doing.  I feel empowered.
  • Blogging (writing) –  I have a few blogs.  Seriously.  They are for my eyes only. It’s a chance for me to write (which is something I love).  I have one blog specifically for family members. When we were in the process of adopting I found it easier to blog every night rather than call and email the masses to keep them informed of our progress. And, five years later, I’m still doing it. Every day. I also started a Picture-A-Day blog on January 1st of this year. I have my phone alarm set for 5pm. I snap a picture right then and upload to Flickr, and then load it to the blog.
    Dansk: Kamillete English: A cup of chamomile t...

    Dansk: Kamillete English: A cup of chamomile tea Deutsch: Kamillentee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    I have a pretty dead tea blog (I’m kind of a tea snob), so I kept track of what I had on my shelf, and what teas I adored. Now, I use Steepster. I have a dead craft blog. I needed a place to showcase my creations.  Since then I use Ravelry. I have a dead reading blog. Now, I have my reading list on this blog. But, I have kept track of every book I’ve read since 2004.  I have a dead personal blog. That what started in 2004 as well. I updated at least daily. I made tons of friends through it. I blogged faithfully for about 5 years then I stopped for some reason.  This blog is an attempt to re-create that experience.  I also have 2 blogs I started for NaNoWriMo.  They are both a work in progress.  Then, I have a couple of work blogs – you know, just a place where students can go to read information I post.  But, I think we can all see that I like blogging.

  • Crafts – I knit. I have a tattoo of a yarn ball with knitting needles. On my wrist.  I love to craft. All the time.  It is good for me.
  • Kitchen– I love to be in the kitchen. I like to cook and bake. I try and do a t least one new recipe a week. Depending on how crazy it is in my house. Sometimes I can crank out two or three a week. That makes me happy.

    Bread in baking pan Polski: Chleb w foremce

    Bread in baking pan Polski: Chleb w foremce (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

These things make me happy. Very happy. So, I have a concerted effort to make time for this stuff.  And, it doesn’t mean that I take time away from my family.  I craft with  Atlantis all the time. She is as crafty as I am. I love that about her.  I cook with her. I bake with her. She loves helping me.  Plus, we all get to sit down and enjoy the goodness together.

So, I  decided to make these things a priority.  I started in January. And guess what? I found what I was missing. In fact, I’ve added things to my list. I’ll blab about things later.  But, these changes have completely changed my little world. I’m at that happy place again. It really didn’t take much. I just needed to think back to my happy times and figure out what I was doing then. And, I did. I found it!

 

 

Here is Atlantis holding up the shawlette I made for Mother’s Day for my mom. It’s blocked and packed and ready to go. This also makes me happy.  Yarn and my baby girl!!!  I am the luckiest person in the whole wide world!!
003

mondays

I’m gonna say it. Aloud.  I don’t mind Mondays.  At all. I kind of think of them like a new beginning.  Like January 1st, or the first day of a new semester, or the first day of summer, the first day of spring break – whatever. I like Mondays.  It’s a brand new week for me. A chance for me to make right.  A time to start anew.  I almost always fail.  But, at least I try.  I am kind of lazy on the weekends. And, I’ve figured out that I need to remain busy or things go south with me.

In fact, it’s almost like I need some kind of structure or all hell breaks loose.  I love lazy days, but I couldn’t have them every single solitary day.  I like doing things. Even if it’s just knitting and watching a movie. At least I’m doing SOMETHING.

woman #2

A few weeks ago i wrote about an inspiring woman to me. I called her woman #1. Today, I write about the second woman. I’ve known this woman for about 7 years. There are three things I admire most about her.

She is a morning person. And, not that I wish to be a morning person. I am just amazed at how much of a morning person she is. She is chipper, but not disgusting in the morning. She gets things done. She is organized. She doesn’t complain about mornings. I respect that.  She makes sure her family is ready to go, then she heads out the door herself. I’m continually amazed at how she does it.

The second thing is how frugal she is.  Not in a bad way either. Her husband has odd work hours. His lunch hour is during the dinner hour. So, he comes home for an hour and has dinner with the family. They rarely go out to eat – maybe on the weekends, but hardly ever. So, every night she cooks.  By the time her husband drives home for lunch, he has time to sit and eat and leave.  Now, her three kids are all old enough to help, but it’s still a pretty big chore. She cooks for all five of them, has it exactly ready by the time he walks in, then cleans up when it’s all over.  When her husband comes home after work – he usually has a sandwich or leftovers. So this meal is his big meal of the day.  And, no matter what, she cooks. Even if nothing is thawed out at home. She is great at creating something out of nothing. I always ask, “So, what’s for dinner?”  I’m always curious as to what she comes up with.

And, lastly, she’s an outdoors person. I personally don’t want to be that kind of person, but I’m kind of jealous that she is.  You see, she lives on a good deal of land. They can’t see their neighbors. They have a pond, so they fish and boat around in it. They ride 3-wheelers and 4-wheelers.  They have a pool. They have a concrete slab for  a half court basketball game. They have a dog they run around with outside.  They have a big garden. They have a little walking trail around their property.  Sometimes she comments on what she and the kids are going to do after dinner, and I get a bit jealous. That would be fun.  I mean, we have a pool, I can walk around the block, we have a little garden – but it’s not the same.

first woman

For awhile I’ve wanted to write about some women that inspire me. These are women I know. Or have known. Not that I want to BE these women. But, each of them have certain qualities that I admire somehow.  They each have flaws – as do I. But, they also have traits that kind of keep me going.  Hopefully it will all make more sense once you read it.

I met this first woman about 18 years ago.  I knew her for close to 4 years.  She and her husband got transferred and moved halfway across the country.  Now, this was pre-facebook, so we didn’t even stay connected like people do today.  In fact, I think most people only had a work email addy at that time. Oh sure, a few people kind of kept up with them here and there.  I heard that they eventually had a baby, then there was a rumor that they moved again, then I heard there was MAYBE another child or two; and then recently I heard that they had moved overseas. I have no idea how much of this is true.  I have tried locating her and her husband via facebook. No luck. I’ve googled them – nothing. So, I’m just resigning myself to the fact that I probably won’t hear from her again. And, that’s ok. I kind of feel like she came in to  my life and made her impression – and that’s what she was supposed to do.  I think about her quite frequently.

She was like a Jane Eyre character come-to-life.  She was a hopeless romantic.  When I knew her, she and her husband were still newlyweds. But, I just know she is still in the newlywed phase today. Though some of her actions were a tad corny, they always made me smile.  She would often race home to meet her husband for lunch and set the table, add candles, and turn on soft music. Just for lunch. On a Wednesday. Or, she would pack a quick picnic lunch and when he got home she would usher him back out the door to feast at a local park.  I know she would often get up early to surprise him with breakfast in bed.   She was always mailing romantic little cards to him at work.  Things like that.  That was just her way.  I loved those things about her. Not that I do these things all the time, but I do know how important they are.  Sometimes I find that I need to remind myself to do things like this now and again.  Things don’t have to be “sexy”, but adding a touch of romance to everyday activities is awfully sweet.

She always saw the “good” in people. Part of it was her naiveté.  She saw the good in people because she really just missed all the other stuff.  She didn’t have a mean bone in her body.  Even when people were not so nice to her. She always shrugged it off and continued on without letting it bother her.  She knew that they had their own reasons for acting like they did.  She didn’t have to agree with their opinions or attitudes, but she didn’t judge or condemn them.  And, it wasn’t that sickening sweet attitude either, she genuinely felt compassion for all people.  I’m not like that. I try to be. I’ve TRIED to be. But, it’s hard. People tick me off and do something horrible to me, and it’s over. It’s impossible to gain my trust back. It’s never going to be the same between us. But, she was able to go on and not let it affect her.  Unbelievable. I admire the heck out of that. I know that there are times when I do let things consume my thoughts. And, that’s not a good way to spend my energy.  But, I do it. It’s hard to “drop it” and forget about it.  She was a master at that.  A very zen-like master actually.

In fact, when things would get crazy around her, she would kind of flutter her hands in front of her face and take a few deep breaths.  Then she could calm herself down and relax. She was always super confident that somehow, the chaotic event would be fixed. Either by God, her husband, her boss, her family or her friends.  Always. Just supreme confidence that it would always work out.  Not that she tossed things aside and took no responsibility, but she totally knew that she had a great support system that could help her get through anything. How am I different?  Well, I have a support system, but sometimes I kind of forget about them. Sometimes I don’t use them. I have the “I’m-a-big-girl-and-can-do-it-myself” attitude sometimes.  There’s nothing wrong with using your support systems – I need to remember that.  Yes, she could handle things on her own, but she was always aware that there were people who would take care of her should something go wrong.  I like that.

Those are the three things that I think most when I think about her.  Even though it’s been over 10 years since my last contact with her, I still think about her an awful lot. She was a good friend.  She is a good person. I know she came into my life to teach me things.  I’m still learning.

i think i can…

I work better with some sort of structure. Now, don’t get me wrong, I can be spontaneous. I can change plans. I can throw it all out the window. But, I really just work better knowing I have things to do.  Do I do it all the time? Not really. Mostly. Sometimes I don’t.

Just the beginning of this calendar year I decided to do a few more things than normal.  My “normal” would be the cleaning and my other duties around the house. The ADDED things include stuff like, blogging, taking pictures at 5pm, writing in my Q&A book, participating in all the different readings for church, etc..  But, even with all of those things, I have things I would like to add on to that list.  I would like to add:  exercising, keeping up with twitter, this blog, and ravelry.  That’s really not that much.  It’s the damn exercising thing that throws me.  Oh, and podcasts, I need to keep up with those.  Seriously, I really think I can do all of it.  I have time at work for SOME of these things. I have time while I’m picking her up from school, I have time when everyone is at rehearsal. I’m saying – I have time.  I just need to get my mindset right.

Damn, that’s the hardest part.  I can do it. I think….